I’ve written before about the power of failure. How we learn our best lessons from falling down and lifting ourselves up again. As a teacher of 20 years, I encouraged my students to try new things, even if it meant feeling awkward in front of others. A few took my advice, but many did not.

It’s strange that this fear of failure is sometimes caused by well-meaning parents who seem convinced their job is to protect their child from any form of disappointment. Their kid must be happy and fulfilled every moment of the day. Children must be shielded from frustration and stress and told how great they are on a regular basis.

But what does that teach them? Imagine the 18-year-old, fresh from graduation, who was gently shepherded through school by parents who defended them against teachers who wanted the child to work harder in class, insisted the coach put them in a starting position, and asserted that the drama teacher was a dope for not giving their child the leading roll. Now, when it’s time for the kid to enter college or the business world, they have not learned to deal with criticism or disappointment. They know nothing about taking responsibility for their own actions and trying again. Then they’re lost because they should have been practicing these important lessons all their lives.

Now, I’m not saying adults shouldn’t stand up for their children when need be. I’m just asking parents to let out the reins a little. Let your child know that failure is just another learning experience, that everyone fails, and you’re proud of them for trying.

Note that this over-protection begins early. For example, many parents often play too strong
a role in organizing children’s playtime. Perhaps if kids are given a little more latitude to interact with other children without adults hovering nearby, kids might be forced to work through difficult or uncomfortable situations themselves. They won’t always get what they want, but when they’re older, they’ll have the basics for dealing with challenging issues, which just might help them develop enough self-esteem to feel comfortable trying new things.

The bottom line is we learn little from success. I challenge you to look back on your life and remember the mistakes that changed the way you did things. With that in mind, give your kids
the freedom to fail. Ask them what they learned. Then encourage them to go back and try again.

It’s the best gift you’ll ever give them.

Anne Montgomery’s novels can be found wherever books are sold.

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